I stumbled into the torture-porn side of the fetish internet and I am simultaneously extremely turned on and freaked out at myself for that. I used to get hot being submissive, but holy damn, I am terrifyingly aroused by the idea of dominating someone so completely, the thought of causing someone pain is actually very, very hot, and at the same time, I’ve had my share of rage and I’m horrified that something like that could so completely turn me on, because I’m afraid I’m the kind of person who could lose control, I don’t even want to let myself think about it for fear it’s something I’d do, yet it keeps showing up in my fantasies whenever I cum, and it makes me feel like a total psychopath, not only for thinking about it but because it makes me uncontrollably orgasm harder than anything else. But, like, I’m the kind of guy who breaks his fist on walls when he argues with his parents on the phone, this is definitely not the kind of thing I want to cultivate.